I gave birth January 11, 2013. To say it didn’t go as planned is an understatement. In fact, until very recently I would explain my baby was born by emergency c section. The events surrounding her birth and her actual birth left me with intense birth trauma.
I lost sleep, I was anxious, depressed, ate poorly and did not take care of myself physically. I had vivid flashbacks, which were jarring and terrifying. I was over protective of my daughter not allowing anyone to care out of fear. This obviously put distance between my husband and myself, my friends and my family. I literally could not talk about my daughters birth without breaking down.
The experience left me feeling broken, like I failed at being a woman, I failed at being a mother. I had failed. My body failed me. I failed my daughter. I was worthless. The entire experience broke me.
At my last appointment with my midwife. She referred me to attend some trauma counselling. You are entitled to 4-5 sessions of talk therapy. Essentially a debriefing of your experience. This improved things marginally. I managed to put myself together enough to carry on with my life, care of my infant daughter and just survive. My code, never talk about her birth. Don’t even think about it. It was enough to make it day by day.
Of course this survival mode can only last so long. I was miserable, moody, and short tempered. It was far from an ideal I would ever want to live.
A friend started sharing her experience with EFT and Matrix Reimprinting. She was so excited about the effectiveness and the usefulness of these tools. I figured what do I have left to lose? Absolutely nothing. She had completed her practitioner training and I signed up as a client. I did a little reading into the process, however mainly wanted a fresh experience.
I met Crystal online at our appointment time. She is always punctual! I have a lot of therapy experience face to face. I wasn’t sure how Skype would work. I was with antsy surprise. Crystal’s warmth, empathy, compassion and caring transmits just as well electronically as it does in person. She takes her time and is quick to pick up on your body language when you might not be doing so well, even if you try to lie. Don’t bother, she knows. Ha.
How does the process work? I slowly started telling my story. When I reached an emotionally charged point, we stopped, we talked about the layers on that memory, the emotions, the fears, the anger. I put words to things I didn’t realize I had. I tapped through. As I tapped the intensity lessened. We are talking immediate results. I have never experienced something so immediate and so profound so quickly. Things which I didn’t think were important came to light. And through the process things which I thought were a big deal were being dealt with subconsciously healing. I was finally healing!!!
After the first session, I noticed my mood was much more level. I was more patient and cordial with my husband. I could laugh again. Intimacy found it’s way back to our marriage. I was more present for my daughter. There wasn’t a wall of guilt and shame holding me at arms length from her. This was huge.
So the matrix part of things. Keanu doesn’t show up, it is not sci fi related. I really can’t explain it. Basically you take a memory, and you get to go back and have a pseudo “do-over”. You get to gift yourself with all the love, support, information or whatever else you may have needed to have a different experience. This is then sent to your cells as your memory. Sounds a bit much right? Well honestly I can attest to it’s effectiveness. This is an amazing tool. I am finally at a place where I can look back and be filled with love and warmth and support and beauty where as before I was terrified even remembering her birth. The details are still the details. All the negative emotions which were stuck in my body no longer exist.
Following sessions built upon this and created more air around her birth. I can actually discuss her birth openly and not be reduced to tears or horrific memories. Today I can say that I birthed my baby through cesarean section.
I am so grateful for these tools and I am so grateful for Crystal. I can truly say this changed my life. I very much look forward to continue working with Crystal in other areas of my life.